Yea... About that!

Wat up home skillet?! Not much here just maxin n relaxin and actin all cool :)
So once again I'm a slacker and haven't updated in a hot minute but I'm here now and that's a
all that matters... Right?! Right!
While talking with my bestie about current events in my life I realized that I am an open book. And where as that was my like it or leave it personality of my pre mom life... I'm not too sure I'm kosher with it now. But it's like a sickness... People ask questions and the word puke just starts flowing and next thing you know we are talking about highly inappropriate things when all I was asked was "How ya been?!"
I don't know if its because of my lack of adult conversation, deep seeded need to feel accepted, or simply because my ADD has a life of its own. But, it needs to stop.
There is no mystery.
There is no... Who's that girl?
There is no silence LOL
So today I make a point to shut my trap. One day at a time. I'm almost 30... I don't need to give details, personal info, or explanations for much of anything... And today is number one of becoming "mysterious" LOL

Boom! Mind blown...

Wazzzzuuuuppp?! LOL who is old enough to know where that one came from?

The other day while walking through pier one imports (more like as we walk into the store) Lil Bit blows chunks all over me, herself, the floor, and some merchandise that got caught in the splatter, I realized just how many things in life my children have taught me. So I made a list... Lets see how many of your parents out there pick up what I'm putting down?!

1. Humility: have you ever tried to discretely pass gas somewhere with a four year old around? It's like they have sonar hearing... Bc just as you think you got away with it... They say on a very loud level "Mom! You just farted!!" 

2. Insanity: it's true definition is "doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result" Have any of you ever tried time out? Or trying to get a 2 yr old to eat? The list is endless... Parenting is insane.

3. Math: while shopping and my younger self reaches for the 20$ bottle of Big Sexy hairspray... The mom me can efficiently calculate how many other items I could get with the 20$. Damn. Ugh. Fine... Mom me wins and I get the 3$ bottle and five other items on my list.

4. Spelling: I was excellent in English and spelling through out school but whoa! Is it hat to spell inappropriate words without a pen and paper! Or for that matter... Trying to figure out what the hell the caveman just spelled to me! LOL

5. Patience: I used to pray for patience until my uncle informed me that by praying for patience God will give you trial... I think three small children... One with ADD, one that is 3 going on 13 and one that will literally not remove herself from my side is trial enough for me to have the patience of Mother Theresa!

6. Time management: does. Not. Exist. It never fails that as I'm rushing out the door someone shits their pants, has to pee, throws a temper tantrum bc they want the purple shoes not the pink, or I ant find my keys bc one of the angels has hidden them somewhere. So my always punctual anally retentive organized self has thrown in the towel and accepted that this family will always be fashionably late. 

7. Housekeeping: if it can be reached, it will be eaten, broken, colored on or used as a weapon. 

8. Irony: you love these little creatures with every fiber of your being. Unconditionally. But as we all know... That love does not protect us from the need to have a break! So you send them to grandmas for the weekend... Only to check on them repeatedly, miss the noise and all the little things that drive you nuts about em! WTH?!

9. First aid: you may have no medical skills what so ever but if your kid gets hurt you will all the sudden have the skills of McGiver and the reflexes of Spider Man. 

10. Fitness: I don't know a mom that can't carry a kid, a purse, diaper bag, groceries, while digging for keys walking up the stairs, talking on the phone! 

So there it is... There's more but I don't want to bore you with it all at once! If you can think of some feel free to comment!

Isn't it ironic?

Ello mate! Top a the mornin to ya? Would ya care for a spot a tea? Maybe some coffee? 

LOL not sure if that's British or Australian but I gave it a shot! 

So, last night... After a repetitive argument over a repetitive issue I got to thinking about a few things that were mentioned. Such as, how I'm offered to unwind, relax and have a few cocktails on a regular basis but never seem to take up the offer. Like I'm too good to drink or something. 

First, that is not true. I love a deep margarita or a strong Alabama slammer with grenadine better than the next lady. Trust me when I say... There are numerous times I wish I could slip on in the nearest dive bar and get lost in fruity heaven. But... Oddly enough, the most stressful job I've ever had (being a momma!) and my reason for wanting alcoholic bliss is also the reason that I so painstakingly don't. 

If you know me at you know that I'm a little (lot) on the over thinker side. It's like brain doesn't stop. Meaning, in my head the scenario goes as this...

Just as I'm sucking down that last morsel of my 4th strawberry margarita with a sugar rim, enjoying the night out, the girls are at my moms and the caveman and I are having a blast... The phone rings and its my mom saying Thing 1 fell and broke her arm and they are at the ER... Yep, I would then have to either not go bc I'm three shades of lit up... Or... Show up and pray no one can smell the Jose seeping out of my pores. Not. Gonna. Happen. 

Now, I'm not saying its a bad thing to relax and enjoy a cocktail or two on a slow pace... But slamming em' and stumbling out of dive barely able to tell right from left. No thanks. 

Not only does the loss of self control and my surroundings not sound appealing at the least but I, like so many other moms know that just because the kids are away... Doesn't mean my responsibility stops. If they have a nightmare and want mommy, I want to be able to go and pick them up. If they get hurt. I want to be there. Sound mind. Clear thoughts. And a big heart. 

So, isn't it ironic that the point in your life where you can probably come up with every reason in the book to knock back a few... Are also the reasons why it doesn't sound appealing? I said goodbye to my red solo cup and hello to the sippy cup bc my late nights would rather be spent with the clear certainty and that I can always be there for my family :) 

Name your brand

Hello there, what's up?! How you doooiiinn? (Insert creepy grin) Sorry... It's late and for some reason every time I try to sleep I start singing the Fresh Prince of Bel Air theme because I happened to watch a video of Will Smith performing it on a British talk show. Wow. Yeah I apparently need sleep because I just went on a tangent about Will Smith. But, I bet ten bucks you know every word... And now you won't be able to stop...ever.  *welcome to my hell :)*
Annnyyyywho... Today as we were getting ready to venture out into the world with the midgets (no offense to any one who may be of a lower number on a measuring tape) I was trying to decide what to wear...when it hit me that my closet looks like it belongs to a paranoid schizophrenic suffering from multiple personality disorder. (Once again...no offense to anyone who may be silently *or not so silently* suffering from either of those not so awesome mental disorders). Did I mention I'm tired? I digress... My clothing varies of looks from...
Average mom: jeans, t shirt, north face zip up and loafers
Hipster: skinny jeans, off the shoulder sweat shirt with coordinating under tank, and glasses
Punk rock: mostly black with slouchy boots and maybe my hot pink glasses
Trendy hippy: skinny jeans with holes and a flowy floral shirt with my flip flops and a brown belt
Emo: hot pink skinny jeans (yes I really own a pair) t shirt with a dumb saying in it like "I mustache you a question but I will shave it for later" *I have a not so quiet love for all things with mustaches on it* my and I would probably wear my black flats. (Bc emo is black...like the color of my heart... Bc life is sad...for no apparent reason)
Trendy mom: skinny jeans with glittery patches, white tank, lengthy cover, big purse and big sunglasses to match with my favorite grey flats
Courtney Kardashian: dress of many colors with a beaded neck and open back.. It's ridiculous. But...really..so am I sometimes.
Church mom: below the knee floral skirt, 3/4 length color coordinated shirt, cute shimmery flats
I really don't give a shit: leggings, tunic length shirt, my fav juicy boots, hair in a bun with a stretchy band to keep the fly always at bay.
Cosmo mom: mint green skinny jeans, cami, pink polka dot see through button down, shineynflats and quaint jewelry.

This list could seriously go on forever. The caveman barely has anything in our closet bc my personalities take up too much space. It's sad really... Bc short of Walmart or the park, I don't get out much.

So, standing there trying to decide my alter ego for the day... Got me thinking... Why in the world do I have every style imaginable in my wardrobe?! And then of course the battle of the craziness played out in my head as follows...

Hipster: bc your 27 and can rock skinny jeans and hipster glasses!
Courtney: and that dress is quick and cute and any color shoe goes with it bc no one can see your feet anyway!
Idgas ( I don't give a shit): not to mention half the time no amount of caffeine shirt of an I'VE drip could give you enough energy to make a decision on your own appearance when you have spent the day making everyone else's descriptions on EVERYTHING! DUH!
Punk rock: remember all those tattoos you have? The lip ring? And your love for rock music? You can't just give that up bc you're a wife and mom now...the rock gods of the 80's would never forgive you,
Church mom: when you have to drop the kids off at a function, go to church, or you know if these people see your tattoos they are going to FLIP! (Even though I do get a silent giggle from watching people's faces when a sleeve slides up or down and reveals that both my upper arms are covered. LOL! Yep... This awesome mom of three who you just sat next to and knew every word to the Christian song, bowed her head to pray and loves Jesus...has a crap load of body art...nah nah nah nah nah)
Cosmo mom: Omg. It's like so easy to just throw on and like...look great! For real! Like... O.M.G.
Trendy: bc Victoria Beckhamn don't have nada on your ensemble you got at TJ Maxx bc you know you don't have a reason to pay ful price when there are diapers to be bought... Get it giiiirrrrlll!

And... Me: screw it... Give me my leggings and hoody...I'm out!

Welcome back!!!

Long time no talk! I know... It's my fault. I'm a horrible friend that allowed my crazy life/kids get in the way of our beautiful yet new relationship. I hang my head in shame... Really... I do. :,( 

Nonetheless lets gets on with it. Wipe your tears, put your big girl panties on and grab your coffee! 

So, my dumbass decided to start the renovation on the kitchen. Tire up the vinyl tile only to find that whatever prior dumbass that laid it used an adhesive that never solidified. *smack forehead here* 

I was planning on taking up the tile and staining the subfloor a cool way... Epic fail! Because my kitchen is now a 20x12 fly trap. What I though was going to be a 20$ one day overhaul... Thanks to Pinterest (whom lies frequently). 

But, after a few rants, throwing of tools, and exasperated methods of removing the goo... I decided... Plywood planks! 

We will be able to completely redo our floors for under 80$ and I couldn't be happier! It's takes care of the odd gaps between the floor and the trim (old buildings settle) and... I get new pretty yet old looking floors for way under the cost of laminate, vinyl or heaven forbid hard wood flooring! Yay me! *Insert happy dance here* 

This is the old seventies emerald green crap I pulled up... Which is a lot harder than I thought it would be. (Thank God I'm built like an amazon)

This is the stupid sticky crap that has, I kid you not, taken a flip flop, rocks and even Lil Bit hostage... 

So there is the before and this weekend I will post the after!

BTW... Once again, sorry about the long pause in my blogging. I sincerely promise it will not happen again! 

Thanks for stopping by and I will keep the coffee warm for ya! 

You changed my life...

It's 930pm and we just put the girls to bed. An hour and a half past their usual time due to grocery shopping. (I hate grocery shopping) And I'm laying here listening to my two tiny ones giggle and make noise and can't help but think...
Thing one will be four next month and Lil bit will be one.
Five years ago if you would have told me I was going to be a stay at home mom of three crazy kids and a second time wife to an amazing man... I would have probably spit my Alabama slammer in your face with laughter.
Anyone that knew me before motherhood can vouch that I was a different breed of young woman. I was selfish in every aspect of the word. (Gotta look out for number one or you'll step in nber two is what the donor used to say) (or don't get attached to anyone or anything you can't turn your back on in 30seconds or less) *may I add now that I'm a mother the sting of those words resonate deep in me as I realized it didn't take that long for him to turn his back* I digress... I was impatient, intolerable, and down right insatiable. I never wanted to get married because I e seen enough of divorce to "know" marriage was nothing but a piece of paper and where is the fun of being with one person for THE REST OF YOUR LIFE?! I didn't value family. Friends were of my convenience and if you didn't want to be around me or do what I didn't want to do... F off. (Which was probably my favorite word for a long time) I wanted to do what I wanted to do where and with whom I wanted to.
I made a lot of mistakes. Broke a lot of hearts. Burned a lot of bridges and probably a lot of eyes with tears. (Mostly my moms probably)
I hated kids. I only babysat a hand full of times and really spent as little time with my little sister as possible. That's a regret I live with every day. Because by the time I wanted to spend time with her she was busy living her life as a teenager and is now married with a beautiful little munchkin of her own living in sunny FL.
So, my point is... Almost five years ago I was *gasp* married. To a short lived fling and living in Hawaii when I found out we were expecting. It might sound bad but it was his idea to have a baby because and I quote "he wanted a family to come home to a after deployment". So... We got pregnant. It was horrible. He was horrible. I gained almost 100 lbs and was borderline preeclampsia. I didn't have cankles I had thankles... I was in a horrible marriage on an island half a world away from anyone I knew and was slowly starting to realize I was going to a single mom...
Needless to say I hated my life.
Then... On June 24th 2009 at 2 am I went into labor. Twenty eight hours later surrounded by my close knit army wife girl friends I was holding a 7lb 11oz baby girl. And instantly I was a different person.
I not only needed to care for her, hold her, comfort her, love her, feed her etc... I wanted to. With every fiber of my being I wanted to. I wanted to do everything and more for this tiny little human that I was now responsible for keeping alive and molding into who would one day be a woman.
I wanted to never let go of her.
For the first time in my life I felt an unconditional love. (I have mommy and daddy issues so I had literally never felt it) But now I did... And it was amazing.
She taught me patience... In every way. She brought a sense of calm to me. She taught me to laugh at the bullshit. The first time she ever laughed was when I was sitting in our crappy studio apartment with no heat and a futon for a bed crying over some guy I don't remember the name of. I was sobbing... She looked at me and busted out laughing... And since then I rarely cry over "spilled milk". She taught me to love. Unconditionally. Without fail. She taught me that family. Her. Is more important than anything else. Because no matter what my family is what's here at the end of the day. She taught me that's ok to go in public in my holey jeans a t-shirt and my hair in a pony (anyone that knew me pre kids knows I NEVER went anywhere without the nines) She has taught me in four years more than anyone in my entire life has ever taught me in twenty seven. And you know what... Adding two more to the mix... Has taught me that I really am bat shit crazy! LOL! Kidding... Kind of ;)

Battle of the jobs

While the cavemean was running late for work for what seemed like the millionth time I couldn't help but ask myself... Should I get a job outside of the home?
Once again I found myself doubting our current situation and a feeling of uncertainty coming over me. If any of you have OCD like myself you know, as well as I do, that is not a welcomed feeling.
So, while weighing the pros and cons of leaving the homestead and venturing out into the vast laborers world... I decided... No thanks.
Call me old fashioned, paranoid, or just plain obsessed with my babies I truly believe a mothers place is in the home with their children. I know, that times have changed and women have the ability to have amazing careers or maybe due to life's circumstances they are just not able to. There is nothing wrong with that. So before you close out of my blog and mark me as an old fashioned nut bag... Hear me out.
Every day my FB, news, and other means of social media are flooded with horror stories of abused, neglected, or mistreated children in daycare centers. Shooting or stabbings in schools. Suicide due to bullying. Teen pregnancy. Etc. and I may not be that old but I do know that when I was in school Columbine was the biggest and almost only known horror in a school. I got picked on... Bad... But it never made me want to go homicidal. Kids were not on adderall or other mind or mood altering substances. Boys were hyper and girls were hormonal. It's the way of life. Why do you think the timeless saying is "boys will be boys" or "he is ALL boy for sure!" Came about?
I guess it's just pure fear that I will send my kids to daycare and find out down the road that they were put in a room in a car seat alone for hours and strangled by their seat strap, or tied up ("claiming to be swaddled") at the age of one and left to cry. What about my own troubles with daycare when I did work and thing one came home with a bite mark so bad it was bleeding on her back? Or my little sister left in a high chair after she had an accident simply because "she needed to finish her lunch"
I'm not saying any of this to deter mothers from using child care outside of their own home or to say that you're a bad mom if you work. I'm not saying this to put down women's rights or what not. I'm saying this because there are so many factors that come into play with children now a days outside of the home. Schools are pushing advanced education on young children, people are jumping at the chance to point a finger or pick up a phone to call the authorities if you send your kid to school in a less than prime outfit (stained or whatever) (not that I do that or have been called on) but seriously... If you leave your kids in the car while you run in to pay for your gas... You could be in deep shit. If you forget to give your kid lunch ,only or pack a lunch, you're neglectful. If you send your child to a sitter or daycare that is not licensed, regulated, or state du des and something happens to them... You could get in just as much trouble...
I guess I just wish the days of letting your kids walk to the corner store, ride their bike to school across town... Or even stay the night at a friends house are missed by this momma. When stay at home moms were a normal thing. Kids got fed full regular meals, and not fast food. Where you were sent outside at summer and told not to come back till sundown. I didn't get a cell phone till I graduated high school. We were allowed a regulated amount of tv time and we had chores. A page of chores a day. We were taught to take care of the things we had and eat the food in front of us. I got my mouth washed out with soap... Do that now and it's abuse. My mom scared the crap out of me and I'm not gonna lie that even now sometimes I have to remind myself that I'm not 10 when she gets mad. But it was a respectful fear. I never called her names, I never talked down to her, I was scared to death to get caught doing something "bad" but that wasn't because she beat me...nit was because I didn't want to disappoint her.
Respect is unheard of in today's youth and we have become greedy and oh so quick to to pass of the kids. (Once again reiterating not all working moms) Don't get me wrong, I would love the daily adult interaction, getting snazzed up on the regular, having a conversation that consisted of more than octonauts latest adventure... But... I missed a lot in ting 1s early stages that I wish everyday I could make up but I can't. So, where as the extra money And social life along with intellectual advancing sounds fantastic... I think the ABCs and Minnie's Bowtique will be just fine for me... Until they are in all day school...at least... Maybe ;)

Zip it... Zip it good!

So, does anyone else suffer from a disease where you're completely incapable of shutting your mouth at the most inconvenient times? I do.
On a regular basis I constantly catch myself (usually during the aftermath) realizing that the situation probably could have diffused a lot sooner had I just smiled and nodded. For instance... With us buying new furniture we decided that we were not going to purchase anything that is cheaply made of plastic and particle board. So, I went on a mission to find some great pieces at a fair price. I found an antique dresser and bankers desk at well below value price. (I was practically doing jump and jacks due to self pride) The caveman comes to pick them up and what's the first thing he says? "These are not solid wood" This is where I should have just brushed it off... Nope. It then turns into a full fledge argument over how they may not be solid wood but they aren't particle board and how these pieces should not be compared to Walmart value furniture. They are timeless antique pieces that at full value blah blah blah.
Or when I get asked the same question on a regular basis, knowing the answer hasn't changed. What about the time my lamp got chipped and I should have just shrugged and said "it's ok it was an accident" instead of the 10 minute rant about the principle of the matter and how stuff should be of value to people other than myself... Yea I felt pretty dumb after that one.
Now, before you write me off as clinically insane... I know a lot of what I say could be left unsaid. Hint: that's what this blog is about! So, I have made it my mission to be better at biting my tongue and clearing my thoughts before or if I respond.
I don't know if its my patience, tolerance, or just plain irritatedness (I know it's not a word) that needs worked on but I really want to NOT be seen as such an overbearing outspoken jerk. More of a calm, reasonable, yet gets the job done kind of person.
I always INTEND on being less opinionated, less in your face my way, or just plain more passive... Yet every time someone (usually the caveman) says or does something that leads me to tend to want to smack my own head and think "did you really just ask where the milk goes" or "really?! You don't know where your own pants are?!" The filter between my brain and my mouth temporarily malfunctions.
So I'm a point where I'm considering becoming a serious yoga fantastic or possibly a woman of constant marijuana intake. (That one is a joke... Just in case you didn't know) although, people of in a constant state of high do seem to be much more passive and have an I really just don't care attitude. I wonder if they even have stress? Food for thought I guess...

Parental control

As I've said before I'm nearing thirty, a mom and a wife. I've been living on my own (except for a few regroup moments) since I was 17. I manage every aspect of my home. The groceries, bills, appointments, etc. So from the outside looking in you would most likely see a well oiled machine that was put together with finesse.
Dead wrong. (Kind of) Here recently my husband and I decided to "limit" our communication with my side of the family. I come from a family where everyone's business is everyone's business and someone else has or can do it better. I'm sure a lot of you can relate!
Well, it got to the point where the stress of my families opinions was placing unnecessary stress on OUR family. So one night after what seemed like our millionth superficial fight with my family (over a picture on FB nonetheless) (of our dog might I add) the caveman and I decided enough was enough.
We have made mistakes in our marriage. We have made mistakes as parents. We have made financial mistakes as well as had not so great ideas on a day to day basis. We all have. Every single human on this planet (short of maybe Oprah) has made mistakes. And for what ever reason I have always ran to my parents. Always. Every time. But every time I did, whether it be for advice, help, or just a shoulder to cry on, my/our list of flaws and inadequacies grew longer and their opinions grew stronger.
My husband comes from a less than Norman Rockwell home growing up but other than a few quirks and what nots I was raised pretty straight forward. So I've never been arrested, never got into the drug thing and short of my year in Lafayette and the year I turned 21 I've never really been a fan of alcohol. So on a list of really bad decisions and mistakes a person can make I'm doing pretty well. So I could and still can't figure out why, no matter what I do or decision I make, achieving their approval is a task that doesn't fall short of discovering Atlantis below the Sahara desert.
It was after this last debacle that the Caveman and I finally said enough is enough. Our children are ours to raise as we see fit. So that they become the kind of adults we could only pray they achieve. We were not educated well on finances so therefore we were and probably still will make financial mishaps or may not save or spend the way that others would but last time I checked it was the caveman who brings home our bacon :) We have decided (for the moment) that owning a home is not something on our list of priorities... We like renting, love our new home, and enjoy the fact that if the roof caves in we don't have to come up with 10 grand to replace it. Not to mention I'm not a fan of manual labor so the whole mow your own lawn thing seems not so appealing to this momma.
Now before you write us off as heartless ungrateful stubborn children... Hear me out. I am not a judgmental person. Nor is my husband. If you are a part of lives we don't care how you spend your money, raise your children, home you live in, or car you drive. All we care is that you make good life decisions... We are raising small children and do not tolerate certain behavior around them. Treat our family as we treat you. With respect, adoration, and compassion. We will go to great lengths to help anyone if it is possible for us and do not expect help in return but appreciate it when it is reciprocated. We are the kind of couple that just love people to love us. So when we were (are) busting our butts to make ends meet while still enjoying life, or keeping the house spotless while three rambunctious and slightly insane children follow behind me in the manner of hurricane Katrina, it seemed like our efforts fell short. But to whom? The caveman is happy, my children are happy, I'm happy. But why did I still have this feeling like it wasnt enough? The dishes werent clean enough, floors mopped enough, bills organized enough... Because I was dealing with an internal battle of my parents expectations vs my reality.
Dishes in the sink meant my family was fed that day. Dirty clothes in a basket meant the caveman worked hard and my children played harder. Toys on the floors gave me 30 mins of quiet time or 10 mins to make important calls. Stains on carpet, clothes, furniture etc, isn't because we don't value our things.. It's because it is humanly impossible to hawk eye three children every second of every day while cleaning, cooking, sleeping, calling and every other single thing a stay at home mom does. So as soon as I notice it or get the time/funds to fix/clean/repair it it gets done. At my pace.
This is our home. This is our life. It's not perfect but its perfect for us. So for those of you that struggle with breaking the cord to your family wondering if you can do it on your own... Remember this.
Your husband will be there when the parents have passed, the children leave home, and when everyone else seems to have moved along. Instead of calling mom to ask about a bill or a new car or even something like a fight you had... Talk to your husband/wife. They are you're best friend at the end of everyday. Your confidant. Your therapist. And everything God intended you to marry and make a life with. Even the big guy says there comes a time in life where you are to leave you parents behind to become a family of your own. So... As hard as it has been (not to call mom every time I have a thought to make sure it's ok to think that) it's been worth it because the caveman and I talk more than we have in a long time and I feel our bond getting stronger because we trust each other and know we will figure it out together if we screw it up :)