The other day while walking through pier one imports (more like as we walk into the store) Lil Bit blows chunks all over me, herself, the floor, and some merchandise that got caught in the splatter, I realized just how many things in life my children have taught me. So I made a list... Lets see how many of your parents out there pick up what I'm putting down?!
1. Humility: have you ever tried to discretely pass gas somewhere with a four year old around? It's like they have sonar hearing... Bc just as you think you got away with it... They say on a very loud level "Mom! You just farted!!"
2. Insanity: it's true definition is "doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result" Have any of you ever tried time out? Or trying to get a 2 yr old to eat? The list is endless... Parenting is insane.
3. Math: while shopping and my younger self reaches for the 20$ bottle of Big Sexy hairspray... The mom me can efficiently calculate how many other items I could get with the 20$. Damn. Ugh. Fine... Mom me wins and I get the 3$ bottle and five other items on my list.
4. Spelling: I was excellent in English and spelling through out school but whoa! Is it hat to spell inappropriate words without a pen and paper! Or for that matter... Trying to figure out what the hell the caveman just spelled to me! LOL
5. Patience: I used to pray for patience until my uncle informed me that by praying for patience God will give you trial... I think three small children... One with ADD, one that is 3 going on 13 and one that will literally not remove herself from my side is trial enough for me to have the patience of Mother Theresa!
6. Time management: does. Not. Exist. It never fails that as I'm rushing out the door someone shits their pants, has to pee, throws a temper tantrum bc they want the purple shoes not the pink, or I ant find my keys bc one of the angels has hidden them somewhere. So my always punctual anally retentive organized self has thrown in the towel and accepted that this family will always be fashionably late.
7. Housekeeping: if it can be reached, it will be eaten, broken, colored on or used as a weapon.
8. Irony: you love these little creatures with every fiber of your being. Unconditionally. But as we all know... That love does not protect us from the need to have a break! So you send them to grandmas for the weekend... Only to check on them repeatedly, miss the noise and all the little things that drive you nuts about em! WTH?!
9. First aid: you may have no medical skills what so ever but if your kid gets hurt you will all the sudden have the skills of McGiver and the reflexes of Spider Man.
10. Fitness: I don't know a mom that can't carry a kid, a purse, diaper bag, groceries, while digging for keys walking up the stairs, talking on the phone!
So there it is... There's more but I don't want to bore you with it all at once! If you can think of some feel free to comment!
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