So, does anyone else suffer from a disease where you're completely incapable of shutting your mouth at the most inconvenient times? I do.
On a regular basis I constantly catch myself (usually during the aftermath) realizing that the situation probably could have diffused a lot sooner had I just smiled and nodded. For instance... With us buying new furniture we decided that we were not going to purchase anything that is cheaply made of plastic and particle board. So, I went on a mission to find some great pieces at a fair price. I found an antique dresser and bankers desk at well below value price. (I was practically doing jump and jacks due to self pride) The caveman comes to pick them up and what's the first thing he says? "These are not solid wood" This is where I should have just brushed it off... Nope. It then turns into a full fledge argument over how they may not be solid wood but they aren't particle board and how these pieces should not be compared to Walmart value furniture. They are timeless antique pieces that at full value blah blah blah.
Or when I get asked the same question on a regular basis, knowing the answer hasn't changed. What about the time my lamp got chipped and I should have just shrugged and said "it's ok it was an accident" instead of the 10 minute rant about the principle of the matter and how stuff should be of value to people other than myself... Yea I felt pretty dumb after that one.
Now, before you write me off as clinically insane... I know a lot of what I say could be left unsaid. Hint: that's what this blog is about! So, I have made it my mission to be better at biting my tongue and clearing my thoughts before or if I respond.
I don't know if its my patience, tolerance, or just plain irritatedness (I know it's not a word) that needs worked on but I really want to NOT be seen as such an overbearing outspoken jerk. More of a calm, reasonable, yet gets the job done kind of person.
I always INTEND on being less opinionated, less in your face my way, or just plain more passive... Yet every time someone (usually the caveman) says or does something that leads me to tend to want to smack my own head and think "did you really just ask where the milk goes" or "really?! You don't know where your own pants are?!" The filter between my brain and my mouth temporarily malfunctions.
So I'm a point where I'm considering becoming a serious yoga fantastic or possibly a woman of constant marijuana intake. (That one is a joke... Just in case you didn't know) although, people of in a constant state of high do seem to be much more passive and have an I really just don't care attitude. I wonder if they even have stress? Food for thought I guess...
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Parental control
As I've said before I'm nearing thirty, a mom and a wife. I've been living on my own (except for a few regroup moments) since I was 17. I manage every aspect of my home. The groceries, bills, appointments, etc. So from the outside looking in you would most likely see a well oiled machine that was put together with finesse.
Dead wrong. (Kind of) Here recently my husband and I decided to "limit" our communication with my side of the family. I come from a family where everyone's business is everyone's business and someone else has or can do it better. I'm sure a lot of you can relate!
Well, it got to the point where the stress of my families opinions was placing unnecessary stress on OUR family. So one night after what seemed like our millionth superficial fight with my family (over a picture on FB nonetheless) (of our dog might I add) the caveman and I decided enough was enough.
We have made mistakes in our marriage. We have made mistakes as parents. We have made financial mistakes as well as had not so great ideas on a day to day basis. We all have. Every single human on this planet (short of maybe Oprah) has made mistakes. And for what ever reason I have always ran to my parents. Always. Every time. But every time I did, whether it be for advice, help, or just a shoulder to cry on, my/our list of flaws and inadequacies grew longer and their opinions grew stronger.
My husband comes from a less than Norman Rockwell home growing up but other than a few quirks and what nots I was raised pretty straight forward. So I've never been arrested, never got into the drug thing and short of my year in Lafayette and the year I turned 21 I've never really been a fan of alcohol. So on a list of really bad decisions and mistakes a person can make I'm doing pretty well. So I could and still can't figure out why, no matter what I do or decision I make, achieving their approval is a task that doesn't fall short of discovering Atlantis below the Sahara desert.
It was after this last debacle that the Caveman and I finally said enough is enough. Our children are ours to raise as we see fit. So that they become the kind of adults we could only pray they achieve. We were not educated well on finances so therefore we were and probably still will make financial mishaps or may not save or spend the way that others would but last time I checked it was the caveman who brings home our bacon :) We have decided (for the moment) that owning a home is not something on our list of priorities... We like renting, love our new home, and enjoy the fact that if the roof caves in we don't have to come up with 10 grand to replace it. Not to mention I'm not a fan of manual labor so the whole mow your own lawn thing seems not so appealing to this momma.
Now before you write us off as heartless ungrateful stubborn children... Hear me out. I am not a judgmental person. Nor is my husband. If you are a part of lives we don't care how you spend your money, raise your children, home you live in, or car you drive. All we care is that you make good life decisions... We are raising small children and do not tolerate certain behavior around them. Treat our family as we treat you. With respect, adoration, and compassion. We will go to great lengths to help anyone if it is possible for us and do not expect help in return but appreciate it when it is reciprocated. We are the kind of couple that just love people to love us. So when we were (are) busting our butts to make ends meet while still enjoying life, or keeping the house spotless while three rambunctious and slightly insane children follow behind me in the manner of hurricane Katrina, it seemed like our efforts fell short. But to whom? The caveman is happy, my children are happy, I'm happy. But why did I still have this feeling like it wasnt enough? The dishes werent clean enough, floors mopped enough, bills organized enough... Because I was dealing with an internal battle of my parents expectations vs my reality.
Dishes in the sink meant my family was fed that day. Dirty clothes in a basket meant the caveman worked hard and my children played harder. Toys on the floors gave me 30 mins of quiet time or 10 mins to make important calls. Stains on carpet, clothes, furniture etc, isn't because we don't value our things.. It's because it is humanly impossible to hawk eye three children every second of every day while cleaning, cooking, sleeping, calling and every other single thing a stay at home mom does. So as soon as I notice it or get the time/funds to fix/clean/repair it it gets done. At my pace.
This is our home. This is our life. It's not perfect but its perfect for us. So for those of you that struggle with breaking the cord to your family wondering if you can do it on your own... Remember this.
Your husband will be there when the parents have passed, the children leave home, and when everyone else seems to have moved along. Instead of calling mom to ask about a bill or a new car or even something like a fight you had... Talk to your husband/wife. They are you're best friend at the end of everyday. Your confidant. Your therapist. And everything God intended you to marry and make a life with. Even the big guy says there comes a time in life where you are to leave you parents behind to become a family of your own. So... As hard as it has been (not to call mom every time I have a thought to make sure it's ok to think that) it's been worth it because the caveman and I talk more than we have in a long time and I feel our bond getting stronger because we trust each other and know we will figure it out together if we screw it up :)
Dead wrong. (Kind of) Here recently my husband and I decided to "limit" our communication with my side of the family. I come from a family where everyone's business is everyone's business and someone else has or can do it better. I'm sure a lot of you can relate!
Well, it got to the point where the stress of my families opinions was placing unnecessary stress on OUR family. So one night after what seemed like our millionth superficial fight with my family (over a picture on FB nonetheless) (of our dog might I add) the caveman and I decided enough was enough.
We have made mistakes in our marriage. We have made mistakes as parents. We have made financial mistakes as well as had not so great ideas on a day to day basis. We all have. Every single human on this planet (short of maybe Oprah) has made mistakes. And for what ever reason I have always ran to my parents. Always. Every time. But every time I did, whether it be for advice, help, or just a shoulder to cry on, my/our list of flaws and inadequacies grew longer and their opinions grew stronger.
My husband comes from a less than Norman Rockwell home growing up but other than a few quirks and what nots I was raised pretty straight forward. So I've never been arrested, never got into the drug thing and short of my year in Lafayette and the year I turned 21 I've never really been a fan of alcohol. So on a list of really bad decisions and mistakes a person can make I'm doing pretty well. So I could and still can't figure out why, no matter what I do or decision I make, achieving their approval is a task that doesn't fall short of discovering Atlantis below the Sahara desert.
It was after this last debacle that the Caveman and I finally said enough is enough. Our children are ours to raise as we see fit. So that they become the kind of adults we could only pray they achieve. We were not educated well on finances so therefore we were and probably still will make financial mishaps or may not save or spend the way that others would but last time I checked it was the caveman who brings home our bacon :) We have decided (for the moment) that owning a home is not something on our list of priorities... We like renting, love our new home, and enjoy the fact that if the roof caves in we don't have to come up with 10 grand to replace it. Not to mention I'm not a fan of manual labor so the whole mow your own lawn thing seems not so appealing to this momma.
Now before you write us off as heartless ungrateful stubborn children... Hear me out. I am not a judgmental person. Nor is my husband. If you are a part of lives we don't care how you spend your money, raise your children, home you live in, or car you drive. All we care is that you make good life decisions... We are raising small children and do not tolerate certain behavior around them. Treat our family as we treat you. With respect, adoration, and compassion. We will go to great lengths to help anyone if it is possible for us and do not expect help in return but appreciate it when it is reciprocated. We are the kind of couple that just love people to love us. So when we were (are) busting our butts to make ends meet while still enjoying life, or keeping the house spotless while three rambunctious and slightly insane children follow behind me in the manner of hurricane Katrina, it seemed like our efforts fell short. But to whom? The caveman is happy, my children are happy, I'm happy. But why did I still have this feeling like it wasnt enough? The dishes werent clean enough, floors mopped enough, bills organized enough... Because I was dealing with an internal battle of my parents expectations vs my reality.
Dishes in the sink meant my family was fed that day. Dirty clothes in a basket meant the caveman worked hard and my children played harder. Toys on the floors gave me 30 mins of quiet time or 10 mins to make important calls. Stains on carpet, clothes, furniture etc, isn't because we don't value our things.. It's because it is humanly impossible to hawk eye three children every second of every day while cleaning, cooking, sleeping, calling and every other single thing a stay at home mom does. So as soon as I notice it or get the time/funds to fix/clean/repair it it gets done. At my pace.
This is our home. This is our life. It's not perfect but its perfect for us. So for those of you that struggle with breaking the cord to your family wondering if you can do it on your own... Remember this.
Your husband will be there when the parents have passed, the children leave home, and when everyone else seems to have moved along. Instead of calling mom to ask about a bill or a new car or even something like a fight you had... Talk to your husband/wife. They are you're best friend at the end of everyday. Your confidant. Your therapist. And everything God intended you to marry and make a life with. Even the big guy says there comes a time in life where you are to leave you parents behind to become a family of your own. So... As hard as it has been (not to call mom every time I have a thought to make sure it's ok to think that) it's been worth it because the caveman and I talk more than we have in a long time and I feel our bond getting stronger because we trust each other and know we will figure it out together if we screw it up :)
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