You changed my life...

It's 930pm and we just put the girls to bed. An hour and a half past their usual time due to grocery shopping. (I hate grocery shopping) And I'm laying here listening to my two tiny ones giggle and make noise and can't help but think...
Thing one will be four next month and Lil bit will be one.
Five years ago if you would have told me I was going to be a stay at home mom of three crazy kids and a second time wife to an amazing man... I would have probably spit my Alabama slammer in your face with laughter.
Anyone that knew me before motherhood can vouch that I was a different breed of young woman. I was selfish in every aspect of the word. (Gotta look out for number one or you'll step in nber two is what the donor used to say) (or don't get attached to anyone or anything you can't turn your back on in 30seconds or less) *may I add now that I'm a mother the sting of those words resonate deep in me as I realized it didn't take that long for him to turn his back* I digress... I was impatient, intolerable, and down right insatiable. I never wanted to get married because I e seen enough of divorce to "know" marriage was nothing but a piece of paper and where is the fun of being with one person for THE REST OF YOUR LIFE?! I didn't value family. Friends were of my convenience and if you didn't want to be around me or do what I didn't want to do... F off. (Which was probably my favorite word for a long time) I wanted to do what I wanted to do where and with whom I wanted to.
I made a lot of mistakes. Broke a lot of hearts. Burned a lot of bridges and probably a lot of eyes with tears. (Mostly my moms probably)
I hated kids. I only babysat a hand full of times and really spent as little time with my little sister as possible. That's a regret I live with every day. Because by the time I wanted to spend time with her she was busy living her life as a teenager and is now married with a beautiful little munchkin of her own living in sunny FL.
So, my point is... Almost five years ago I was *gasp* married. To a short lived fling and living in Hawaii when I found out we were expecting. It might sound bad but it was his idea to have a baby because and I quote "he wanted a family to come home to a after deployment". So... We got pregnant. It was horrible. He was horrible. I gained almost 100 lbs and was borderline preeclampsia. I didn't have cankles I had thankles... I was in a horrible marriage on an island half a world away from anyone I knew and was slowly starting to realize I was going to a single mom...
Needless to say I hated my life.
Then... On June 24th 2009 at 2 am I went into labor. Twenty eight hours later surrounded by my close knit army wife girl friends I was holding a 7lb 11oz baby girl. And instantly I was a different person.
I not only needed to care for her, hold her, comfort her, love her, feed her etc... I wanted to. With every fiber of my being I wanted to. I wanted to do everything and more for this tiny little human that I was now responsible for keeping alive and molding into who would one day be a woman.
I wanted to never let go of her.
For the first time in my life I felt an unconditional love. (I have mommy and daddy issues so I had literally never felt it) But now I did... And it was amazing.
She taught me patience... In every way. She brought a sense of calm to me. She taught me to laugh at the bullshit. The first time she ever laughed was when I was sitting in our crappy studio apartment with no heat and a futon for a bed crying over some guy I don't remember the name of. I was sobbing... She looked at me and busted out laughing... And since then I rarely cry over "spilled milk". She taught me to love. Unconditionally. Without fail. She taught me that family. Her. Is more important than anything else. Because no matter what my family is what's here at the end of the day. She taught me that's ok to go in public in my holey jeans a t-shirt and my hair in a pony (anyone that knew me pre kids knows I NEVER went anywhere without the nines) She has taught me in four years more than anyone in my entire life has ever taught me in twenty seven. And you know what... Adding two more to the mix... Has taught me that I really am bat shit crazy! LOL! Kidding... Kind of ;)